We Are Always Being Watched And It’s Changing Us

 In the past, being watched meant two people had physical contact, like to see if the student in a class was paying attention, or how well the child was behaving while their parent watched from behind an open door. Today, being watched doesn't mean the same thing; being watched may take place, with an initial impression made without the other person's physical presence. It does not mean being invasive in that space; therefore, it can be difficult for people to pay attention. The most subtle way to be aware of this is to give yourself extra time prior to submitting anything to an audience. This is just one example of how we should all be more aware of how we view others and how others may view us.

There are many sources of social surveillance. There are people we know, people we do not know, and then there are people in our minds that we think are watching us. These sources of surveillance do not always show up as judgment in the strictest sense, but they do provide us with awareness of how we are being viewed regardless of whether the viewer provides us with feedback.

Initially, this awareness could be helpful, even encouraging. It can provide an impetus to be more cautious, to think through what we say or do and the effect it might have on others. These are all positive attributes. There is an expectation in society that we should be at least somewhat aware of how our actions and statements affect other people; that we should understand that we are part of a larger social web. But at some point, that awareness shifts into something heavier; it shifts from offering guidance to being a part of a person's identity.

When you feel as though you're under constant surveillance, you change not only your behaviour but also your perspective. You now process your thoughts before they make it to their conclusion. You begin to gauge what your thoughts will sound like to others prior to really understanding them yourself, creating a separation between your thoughts and what you express externally. Over time, as your distance continues to grow, you may lose sight of where your internal world ends and your external expression begins.

The smallest change occurs when you begin to modify your performance even when you might be performing in private. Now it no longer matters how you appear to others, but rather how you might appear as if someone were viewing your performance; therefore, you are more careful in choosing the words you use when having a casual conversation, you even create an opinion in a manner you hope will be socially acceptable, and you will hesitate before expressing any uncertainty or a poorly received opinion. In many cases, you do not consciously make decisions about your actions, but they become habit-forming over time.

Social media has amplified this in multiple ways, but it did not originate from this. The way that social media works is by taking something which has occurred in the past on limited scopes and providing it a constant presence. A constant presence means that there is always a potential audience, there is always the possibility of being seen, and there is always a chance that something you say or do will get noticed or responded to. Because of that, the distinction between public and private places will continue to become blurred.

The presence of an audience leads to a shift in how we understand ourselves. Because you know that what you have done can be seen, your thinking shifts in regards to how your actions will be viewed by another person. You become more cognizant of how you are seen, which leads you to put more emphasis on that awareness than you might originally consider. The act of sharing becomes secondary to the act of presenting.

As a result, the complexity of this shift becomes compounded even further. Presented material is not the same as expressed material. Expressed material comes from within; it is often messy, at times there is an element of cognitive dissonance, and there is rarely any consistency. Presented material is developed, produced, and manipulated to align with what is perceived to be acceptable or desirable. As we are continuously under observation in an indirect manner, the act of presentation generally dominates the act of expression.

Now we appear as a ‘known’ person from the outside, but the inside is less connected to who we are and what’s going on with us. However, not everything is fake/dishonest as a result of that. Most people are not really out to deceive anyone. They are trying to find their way in a world where being ‘visible’ has both opportunities and risks associated with it. For example, being visible usually leads to connection, recognition and ultimately success. On the other hand, being visible can lead to judgment, misunderstanding and/or unfairness. Therefore, people manage their images.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen without consequence. When you are consistently thinking about being seen you don’t have as much opportunity to try out who you are. You don’t have as much uncertainty, or room to say something and not know exactly how it will be reacted to or received. You may feel like you made many mistakes (because) you made those mistakes publicly (in front of everybody). This might cause you to be more cautious about taking risks, but it may also cause you to be less willing to take risks.

There is a fatigue that develops from constantly being aware of how others perceive you. It is usually not recognizable but builds over time. Trying to understand who you are in others’ minds, modifying your behaviour to fit into their views, and controlling your facial expressions all require effort. So, it makes even simple interactions feel heavier and more difficult than they really should be.

At the same time, it is hard to completely walk away from that way of thinking about one’s self. Everything that we do in today’s world revolves around connecting with others through some form of being “visible.” It’s how we share our lives with each other (e.g., pictures on Instagram), how we communicate (e.g., texting), and how we continue to be engaged in each other’s lives (e.g., social networks). When we are not seen or can no longer be seen, it can feel as though we may be disappearing. Hence, there is a struggle between wanting to be visible and desiring the freedom from the weight of visibility.

This struggle defines how we navigate through our lives. We see it in the way that one person’s idea of what it means to live a successful life differs from another person’s idea of a successful life; we see it in the way that people hesitate before they speak; we see it in how people articulate their opinions; we see it in the way that people will try to avoid having conversations about specific topics/ideas; we see it in the way that people long to articulate their ideas, but fear the potential for them to be misinterpreted.

As time passes, the effect on us can be substantial in terms of the way we speak as well as the things we think. If we consistently receive rewards for certain ideas while being given no attention or negative feedback on others, it creates an ease of conformity to what is considered normative; and this often occurs subconsciously. As a result, thinking becomes limited as does our ability to tolerate ambiguity.

Constant awareness and visibility of one’s activity in relation to others also creates a shift in the dynamic of how one engages with others. The knowledge that everyone is observing makes people more careful to engage in vulnerable, uncertain and spontaneous ways. People pay more attention not only to what they reveal to others but to the manner in which they reveal that information. There is also a paradox here. Even though we are more visible than we have been in previous times, we generally do not feel that we are fully visible (i.e., we are visible but the versions of ourselves that are visible typically have had to be altered, filtered and simplified). The greater portion of our experience (the, “deeper” and, “more complicated”) exists in a constant state of being observed. Because of this state of constant observation, much of the “complex” aspects of one’s experience are less likely to find a form of expression.

A disconnection exists between seeing and comprehending someone/something due to being viewed by someone else. So just because you can observe someone or something does not mean you have any comprehension of or connection with what they are going through. There also exists an isolation created as a result of this disconnection, which is often very difficult to articulate. It is vital to acknowledge that this phenomenon of disconnection does not just apply to people, but also exists within the structure of our surroundings (i.e. the means by which visibility is created, the manner in which these entities use social media to promote their products or services, and the nature of social norms that reward/discourage various forms of self-expression) create a disconnection or feeling of disconnection with the outside world.

The issue of disconnection cannot be resolved by simply ignoring it. However, awareness is essential to this issue. Awareness in this instance does not mean you will have additional stress through knowledge of your own disconnection and isolate yourself further; rather than source of stress, awareness will help you identify when the adjustment being made is to your own satisfaction. When you are modifying your behaviour based on your own perception or assumptions of how others will respond to you. When you are unable to see how other people's perceptions of you are dictating many of the decisions you make as opposed to your own beliefs about yourself.

Realizing that you have a choice, however small, about how you exist in this environment creates an opening, a little gap in time and in the universe. You do not have to completely reject being seen or to ignore the fact that you are being observed; you can just understand the difference between being seen by someone and being identified by that which is seen. You will always be seen in some way because we live in such a highly connected world, but you do not have to allow that to define who you are. You will always be able to have a space in which to exist outside of your performance. You can think thoughts that you do not have to share, express yourself in a way that does not have to be shaped for the audience of others.

While it may not seem significant to hold onto those times, it is of great importance to do so. As we live in a world in which so many things can be seen, the ability to simply exist without the obligation to perform is incredibly unique and unfortunately rare. Perhaps this is where we can begin to create true change; instead of trying to escape from being observed (which is virtually impossible), we can learn to continue to be ourselves through being observed.